guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
