Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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