I skipped work to stalk him.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
