If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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