if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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