I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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