my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I smell like Dick and happiness
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
