He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
