why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
And then my night got REAL pukey
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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