i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I need to stop coming to work sober
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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