JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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