Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
