we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
