Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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