so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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