I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize