my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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