Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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