Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
