me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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