Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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