Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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