never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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