i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
