We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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