He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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