I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
