Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
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