and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
