you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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