"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
birth control should be required to get into college
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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