I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
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hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
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I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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