pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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