I'm so fucking centered right now
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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