Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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