And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
