it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
this must be what syphilis tastes like
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
