next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
