can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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