Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
