Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
