everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
