I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
