I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
