omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
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When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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