Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
