Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
