You made me cry and you don't even care
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it hurts more in the daytime
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
