wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
