im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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