Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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