Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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