I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
