The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
We smell like vodka and hangover
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