Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
