yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
