Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
