you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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