Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
