who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
