I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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