Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
