grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
