Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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