Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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