I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
