My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
