i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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