Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
as a side note pls kill me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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