I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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