super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
