Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
