i always forget guys have bellybuttons
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
