My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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