i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
